Iesha

Have you ever tuned into the Discovery Channel or National Geographic and watched a crocodile hunt? They are very sneaky creatures. Their prey seldom ever see them coming. One minute you’re with the fellas sipping water by the pond, telling jokes, flirting with the ladies, the next minute you’re spinning around underwater with your head down some crocks throat. Whether Iesha had been underneath the entire time or ran over when I wasn’t paying attention remains a mystery to me. Before she practically appeared out of thin air we were all smiles. I picked Donny up and placed him on top of the slide and nervously let go. He slid slowly bouncing off the walls violently thrashing side to side and finishing his awkward tumble back to earth with a smile. Success. He demanded another ride and I obliged. The slide we were playing on was a two person slide with a plastic barrier in-between.  This time when we made it up to the top there was another child his age. A girl! She wasn’t much of a looker to be honest. Then again I met my wife unshaven and hungover trying to push through a morning shift at work. Maybe the little girl, like myself, cleaned up nice. She wasn’t much of a fashionista either. Some weird ruffled top paired with flower spotted pants. Why do we dress our kids up in such odd attire? Clothing we wouldn’t be caught dead in? Now you may be thinking, would you Daddy Donnell rock the Charlie Brown costume/shirt in public that you’ve forced onto your son? The answer is: hell no. But he can pull it off. Back to Donny and my future daughter-in-law; they made long eye contact. At least 8 seconds which is a creepy amount of time to be making eye contact with someone and not talking. Go ahead and stare at the person nearest you and count out 8 seconds in your head. The other person will probably complain. I did it to my wife,  Mommy Moneybags(MM), and she even thought something was wrong with me. My instinct was to try and give him some fatherly advice on dating and how to talk to girls. Rock solid advice like, look open and friendly, smile, be casual, try putting your hand on your hip, wear khakis. I’m really not very good at this. I decided it would be better for me to just step aside and let him work his magic. Right as he began to introduce himself he slowly began to lose his battle with gravity and went tumbling down the slide. All was not lost. She was still there. Perhaps waiting for him to come back? She even seemed to be giggling at him. He made her laugh! Smooth move my boy! I picked him up dusted him off and began to return him to the top of the slide beside her. As we reached the summit she appeared. Iesha. Like a crocodile rising out of the river. Ready to devour his game. She was a big kid and mean looking. Snarling and gashing her teeth. Even Donny’s poorly dressed friend seemed frightened. Seeing as we had just gone down the slide it seemed only fair to me that Donny stand to the side and allow the new kid to go down. That’s only fair, right? We should teach our children to share, right? So we did. And down she went laughing all the way. Seeing as there were no other children in line Donny retook his place at the top and prepared to go down. When I looked down I noticed Iesha still in his way. Not only was she still at the bottom of the slide, she was climbing up. I was faced with a choice: I could A) Send Donny down the slide like a bowling ball forcibly clearing the blonde haired pin to the ground. This option, though appealing to me, could end up causing physical harm to my own kid as well as the child of this absent parent. Or B) I could simply pick Donny up and move on. I choose C) Defiance! I did not move Donny. I made sure he blocked her way. But she keep coming up not allowing him to slide down. I politely (in my opinion) asked her to share the slide.

“Hi, don’t you think it’s time to let someone else go down the slide?”

“NO!” she yelled.

Did this CHILD just tell me “no”? I’m the adult damnit! She’s lucky I asked at all.

“Shouldn’t you be going down the slide? I think it’s someone else’s turn”

“___” She ignored me.

I frantically searched around for the 2-3 Neanderthals that conceived yet another bad creation. There was no one to be found. MM was the only other adult in sight. I could feel my blood pressure rise and decided the best thing to do was to go with option B. In fact I was so irritated by this whole exchange that I picked up my son and left the playground.

IMG_5734

 

I don’t like children. Never have. I always knew I’d eventually end up with a kid of my own but as I grew older the thought of it became more and more unattractive. I hadn’t even held a baby until I had my own. Actually that’s not true. I held my friend Hollywood’s new-born a day after he was born. Donny was due less than a month after that so it felt right. Like I was already a father. For the first time in my life I wanted to hold a baby. But now I’m forced to interact with children and I’m reminded of why I never liked them in the first place. However, I can’t simply blame the child anymore. They’ll only do what they are allowed to do. I used to work in a restaurant and one time I had to tell three young boys to stop showing their penises to two women trying to enjoy their lunch. They were eating sausage sandwiches ironically enough. Where were the parents? Sitting a few feet away more concerned with socializing with each other than paying attention to their flashing kids. After I told the parents what was happening there was no spanking, no stern talking to, no timeout. Not even a extra buck on the tip for having to see their kid’s dick! This wasn’t some rare example of parents not watching their kids. It happened all time. The nudity part was rare. Now, that I have a son of my own I beginning to realize something, I still hate kids. And by kids, I mean parents.

6-2-09-Warning-sign

 

THREE  THINGS:

  1. Thing I learned today – The phone number for poison control is 1-800-222-1222. The operators are very nice. Boudreaux’s Butt Paste™ is non-toxic. I will say no more.
  2. I don’t understand behavior timeouts. Our dog trainer told us to give our dog Domino timeouts when he behaves poorly. So far they have been completely ineffective. In fact, I think he enjoys it. He’s a bad dog. Bad dog.
  3. Sports Minute – You know what’s cool about your favorite football team being 0-9? NOT A DAMN THING!

***BONUS THING:

I just wrote a blog about parents not paying enough attention to their kids. I then followed that up with the fact that I needed the phone number for poison control. Talk about calling the kettle black.

https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/the-surprising-reason-more-kids-are-getting-hurt-at-the-102543542767.html

Thank you very much for stopping by. This is the eleventh Daddy Day By Day. Please take a peek at the article posted above. Excellent food for thought and just in time for this blog post. If you have any questions, rants, feelings, anything positive, please feel free to email me at daddydaybyday@gmail.com or simply comment below. Please click on one of the two “follow my blog” links on the right. For you mobile users the links are at the bottom of the page. Talk to you soon…

Advertisements

Where’s Ya Little Boy

…He was gone. 2 days ago, if you had told me this would happen I would have assumed that I would panic. Instead I was calm. Very calm. I think my heart rate slowed down. My stomach dropped down into my bowels. All the chaos around me turned to muted white noise. Similar to when your wife grabs you by the neck and forces your head under the lake water because you just lost her first-born like a set of #&$%ing car keys.

“Well where is he?”

“Gee, I don’t know honey, I thought I left him in my gym shorts.”

Before I turned to inform my wife of the tragedies, one of which was unfolding in my pants, I pictured Donny in my mind one last time. His expressions are what I’ll always remember about him.

IMG_2529  After only a few months in my care he knew I would eventually do something stupid. I bet he was thinking, “I wonder how Dad will screw this up”

IMG_2832Months later the realization was starting to kick in, “This guy is in way over his head.”

IMG_2720“You just lost me???”

It was time to face the music. I turned to MM and she was already in my face. Her left arm was fully extended. It felt like the slap was coming at me in slow motion. I didn’t fight it. I certainly earned a beatdown. I accepted my fate and prepared to receive the initial slap. Would it be a high placed palm slap? Somewhere in the temple area? That would be smart of her because it would probably knock me out cold thus allowing her to drag my limp body over to the lake and drown me with little to no resistance. Or would it be a lower placed finger slap to the cheek and mouth area? Another excellent choice. Those slaps are highly stingy for the dummy with a satisfying audio and visual element. The echoing smack of skin on skin contact coinciding with the sight of my face jerking 45 degrees away as spit mixed with stupid exits my mouth. I closed my eyes and waited for it. And kept waiting for it. It never came. I opened one eye just to see what was taking so long. At the end of her out stretched arm was her pointed index finger. I could tell she was still wearing her wedding ring which I took as a good sign so I opened my other eye and unclenched my teeth. She was pointing to our son. I nearly choked on all the oxygen rushing back into my lungs. I vaguely remember doves flying into the heavens. MM was pointing and laughing at his eagerness to go and play. He couldn’t wait to go and touch new things. I couldn’t wait to go and put on new underwear. Instead MM pulled me to catch up to him which turned out to only be roughly 15 or 20 feet in front of us. He didn’t know where to go at first. He just kept walking in circles. Which I thought was funny until I realized I was doing the exact same thing. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Do I follow him everywhere or is that being the paranoid overprotective parent? Do I sit and let him do his thing or is that being irresponsible and not present? Should I join the three parents sitting on the bench enjoying the FREE WIFI on their phones and tablets? This was almost as awkward as when I tried to talk to girls in my single days.

Do I look cool and inviting?

Should I put my hand in my pocket or on my hip?

On my hip???

Do I dip my chin down to show that I’m paying attention?

Now do I look creepy and possessive?

What if I tilt my chin up like I’m cool? Yeah, like a rapper. Like i’m part of the Wu

…wearing khakis.

As you can tell I sucked at dating. How I got MM to come home with me after our first date is one of the great mysteries of the cosmos. I digress, instead of joining the three blind mice at the bench I decided to stick with Donny and follow his every step. Donny was pretty aimless and it was a little dangerous considering children were literally running in all directions playing with everything. MM decided we should put him on the slide. A brilliant idea. It was a small specific area and up away from all the foot traffic. Donny had never gone down a slide before. A new experience for him! This would be fun, or at least I thought. Little did I know that underneath that slide lurked, Iesha…
IMG_5692

He’s always so serious

THREE  THINGS:

  1. Thing I learned today – That a congress with a 10% approval rating can achieve a 90% re-election rate. It’s truly fascinating.
  2. Yes I put the Wifey on blast up there. Sure nothing happened that night but something did happen that night. I found my wife who gifted me with my son. Trust your gut, especially when everyone else says you shouldn’t do something.
  3. Sports Minute – Football season is officially dead. To me. But how about the hot start my Golden State Warriors are off too. They’re coming for you San Antonio. There will be changing of the guard this season. Accept it Monique!

Thank you very much for stopping by. This is the ninth Daddy Day By Day. This was a continuation of blog entry 8. As you can tell there is more to this story coming soon. If you have any questions, rants, feelings, anything positive, please feel free to email me at daddydaybyday@gmail.com or simply comment below. Please click on one of the two “follow my blog” links on the right. For you mobile users the links are at the bottom of the page. Talk to you soon…

At The Playground

“Let’s go to the park.”

IMG_5602

Another one of Mommy Moneybags’s(MM) innocent sounding suggestions that would no doubt end in stress induced drinking. Just like, “we should move in together.” And “let’s have a baby!” MM arrived home from work early enough to enjoy one of the few bright weeknights left before daylight savings begins in the fall. A few months back the city “revitalized” the man-made lake that sits in the middle of downtown. It’s the Los Angeles version of Central Park expect tiny, dirty, and no one outside of Los Angeles knows it exist. I suppose a better comparison would be, its like a plastic kiddie pool that flew off of someone’s pickup truck on the 101. But that was then and this is now. Now the lake has new grass, fresh water, free wi-fi, new trees, new birds, free wi-fi, a boathouse with a diner, AND FREE WiFi!!! Before, it was a nice place to walk my dogs but for the first time it looked like a place to bring my child. When we arrived my immediate instinct was to go back home. The park was dangerously packed. MM insisted we march on. As we made our way to the playground area Donny dodged bikes, strollers, dogs, patchouli oil scented hippies, and of course the local Creepy McCreeperson. I always keep an eye out for the creepers. On our stroll to the playground Donny encountered another child that was nearly his exact age. I saw him coming from a mile away. He was out of control. Like the Looney Tunes Tazmanian Devil with a juice box. My daddy sense told me this kid was trouble. His overmatched grandparents struggled to keep up with him as he approached Donny. **SMACK** This giggling little spawn of satan just walked right up and slapped Donny in the face. I said, “Hey!” because, well, that’s all I could do. Donny didn’t retaliate though a part of me wishes he would have. Maybe he’s already learned to control his temper. It took me 30 years to learn that. I was prepared to yank the kid by the arm and wave my finger in his face but I quickly came to my senses and realized that I couldn’t just do that. Could I? What if someone took it upon themself to do that to Donny? There would probably be an arrest – mine. What are the rules in situations like this? Certainly you can’t allow your child to get smacked upside the head by strangers. Where is the line between, kids being kids, and doing my job as the protector? To his grandparents credit, they immediately apologized and told the boy “no” while trying to politely laugh it off. I guess that’s sufficient. What do I expect, a handshake, a formal letter of apology, from a 1-year-old?  I imagine if Donny would have been the one attacking another child I’d pull him to the side and make him understand, that behavior was unacceptable. At the moment I’m writing this blog Donny is flipping a box over and over in the kitchen while trying to fit different corners of it into his mouth. Maybe I need to relax on my expectations on the behavior and understanding of a toddler. After I got past “The slap heard ’round my head” (it took me much longer to get over it than MM and Donny), we continued toward the playground. We walked alongside the lake while ducks and geese called out to Donny to join them. Did I mention the lake has no guard rail.

IMG_5601

And its man-made so the edge of the land is literally an edge with a cliff leading to several feet of water. Donny as usual showed no fear as he repeatedly tried to join his feathery friends. Our walk turned into a drag as we endured dirty looks from other people trying to determine if we were kidnappers or just mean parents. I didn’t care how it looked. This lake was closed for two years due to the filth of the water and Donny wanted to dive right in. Not on my watch. Finally we arrived at the swings, slides, and other large plastic kiddie obstacles. I was afraid to enter. Kids were flying around everywhere with no regard for the other children and frail calcium deprived adults around them. Just getting into the area felt like walking across the track at a NASCAR race. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It was too late to turn back now. I closed my eyes, said a quick prayer, and grabbed MM by the hand. I looked down to Donny to calm his nerves, he was gone…

 

THREE  THINGS:

  1. Thing I learned today – That I don’t have Ebola. And neither do you. So relax.
  2. Don’t worry there will be a continuation of this blog very soon. I’ve been told my posts are too long. I’m on the fence about shortening them. Shouldn’t we all try to read more anyway?
  3. Sports Minute – You know your team is garbage when your friends don’t even tease you anymore.

Thank you very much for stopping by. This is the eighth Daddy Day By Day. If the next blog is a part two to this one, should this be blog number 8.1 or 8a? If you have any questions, rants, feelings, anything positive, please feel free to email me at daddydaybyday@gmail.com or simply comment below. Please click on one of the two “follow my blog” links on the right. For you mobile users the links are at the bottom of the page. Talk to you soon…

 

Remember The Time

IMG_2498

I can’t believe it’s already been a year. The fastest, weirdest, and at times grossest year of my life; and quite possibly the best. Seriously its been a little gross. I’ve been licked, bit, sneezed on, pee’d on and poo’d on. MM may have gotten it the worst though, she was thrown up on…IN HER MOUTH! It happened right in front of me. She was playing with Donny on the bed, laughing and holding him above her and Donny literally spit up into her open mouth. It was so FUNNY. To me. As we celebrate Donny surviving his first year of life I can’t help but reflect on all my discoveries about fatherhood. The following post are feelings shared on Facebook from the first week following the birth of our son.

IMG_2636

September 13, 2013

“Next time I think I’m the King of my castle, I will remember this day. I will remember my woman fighting through 22 hours of labor to bear our child. I will remember my wife completely giving up her body to bring my son into this world. I will remember my Queen not eating not drinking and eventually not being able to stand for more than two days in order to deliver our boy. And I will remember the tears in her eyes and guilt that she felt when she finally held her son hours later. Guilt because she felt she had not done enough. For real. Guilt because she felt she needed to do more. Wow. F$&%! Are you kidding me??? She is amazing! I am so lucky. [Donny] is so lucky. I may be the rock in our relationship but [MM] is the foundation that I humbly stand on. Thank you to all our friends and family for the INCREDIBLE amount of support you have shown us. However, my wife deserves all the credit. Congratulations baby! Or I guess I should say “Mommy.” After a grueling 40 hour day we finally get some rest. Much deserved rest for the woman I love so very much.”

A year later I do still remember that day. I remember how lost I was as I held him the first few times. He felt so fragile and breakable. I was way in over my head. I remember being so exhausted that I kept nodding off in the NICU while holding him in my arms. What if I would have dropped him?!?!? Talk about a “Don’t tell Mom” moment. MM is still amazing. She’s always been a great wife but now you can add Supermom to her resume. Our friends and family have continued to support us way beyond anything I could have imagined. It may only take a village but Donny has an entire country.

 

IMG_2875IMG_2670

September 18, 2013

“First night home was…ROUGH! What we have discovered about our son on his first day/night.

  1. He is a pooper. We know babies poop a lot but our son will poop, we’ll change him and within 15 minutes he will poop AGAIN (we had 5 poopy diapers in the middle of the night alone) then smile at us when he is being changed. He also has learned to shart, this was pretty funny.
  2. He also doesn’t like poopy diapers. He poops then cries immediately to be changed.
  3. He apparently only likes to sleep for 15-20 minutes at a time between the hours of 9PM-7:45Am (yes, we’ve been up all night).
  4. When he is over eating he purses his lips and will not let anything inside.
  5. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING HE HAS TAUGHT US…A PACIFIER IS OUR BEST FRIEND

Donny you are truly a precious gift to us. But please, we beg you, go easy on us today. Mommy and Daddy are so tired.”

Rough doesn’t begin to describe that first night home. Even the dogs were stressed out. Our big dog paced all night. Donny still poops a lot. This is usually where I give you the bright side or a funny antidote. There is none. Baby poop is never fun.

IMG_2666IMG_2474IMG_2667

September 25, 2013

“This last week and a half has truly been a beautiful adventure that one can never prepare for. I am so in love with my son and have fallen even more in love with my husband. What we have created is such a precious gift of pure joy that being beyond tired doesn’t even phase me, well maybe just my memory. Mom, we are sad to see you head back home but we are so happy and thankful to have had you here as we adjust to parenthood. We love you!”

What a week. What a year. For those first few weeks I’m not sure I really liked my son. I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility for him but to be completely honest, I didn’t know him. He was a very needy stranger that suddenly moved into my home. He always seemed mad at me. He yelled at me when he was hungry. He yelled at me when he used the bathroom. He even yelled at me because I was me and not his Mommy. Then one day something magical happened. He smiled at me. Then he laughed. He grabbed onto my finger and held it so tightly, like he was trying to tell me something. Like he was trying to say, “don’t ever leave me.” The evening of his birthday party Floyd Mayweather fought Marcos Miadana. A few of Donny’s Aunts and Uncles stayed after the party to watch the fight on pay per view. MM and I couldn’t stand the thought of cooking that evening so we ordered Chinese food that MM had to pick up. It took much longer than anticipated so right in the middle of the fight I had to prepare Donny for bed, alone. Got to stay on schedule. Downstairs there was shouting, laughter, and ooohs and ahhhs. I had been looking forward to watching this fight all afternoon. Instead I was upstairs in the bathroom with my boy. Just the two of us. I was exactly where I belonged. Where I really wanted to be. We laughed and played. I poured water over his back and he returned fire by flapping his arms in the bath water until I was wearing it. After his third attempt to eat the bubbles I finally decided to pull him out to dry off. I wrapped him in a towel and held him on my lap. I hugged him as long as he let me. I like him now. He’s not a stranger anymore. He’s my boy. He’s MY son. I love him more than I love myself. Happy Birthday kid. I’m so glad this is just the beginning.

IMG_5130

THREE  THINGS:

  1. Thing I learned today – Not everything my wife does is for Donny. He may be the main focus or the guest of honor but sometimes she plans things around him for herself. And that’s great. If she is going to dedicate her entire life to our son and to me,  then I want her to enjoy every second of it.
  2. It’s been a month since my last post. I could list all the reasons/ excuses why it’s taken me so long but instead I’ll just say thank you. Thank you to you for not un-following me in that time and thank you to my sister Skege for bugging me to post a new blog entry.
  3. Sports Minute – Raiders and A’s…dude…what more can I say. It’s going to be a long winter.

Thank you very much for stopping by. This is the seventh edition of Daddy Day By Day. If you have any questions, rants, feelings, anything positive, please feel free to email me at daddydaybyday@gmail.com or simply comment below. Please click on one of the two “follow my blog” links on the right. For you mobile users the links are at the bottom of the page. Talk to you soon…

Shots! Shots! Shots!

Like any first time father I am completely in awe of my son. I think he’s good-looking, funny, and a very quick learner. One of his more impressive qualities is his ability to “chill”. To just “kick it”. It’s one of the qualities that made me fall in love with Mommy Moneybags(MM). But let’s be honest, he gets it from his daddy. He seems to adapt well to whatever environment he finds himself in. As long as it’s not his Aunt Skegee’s house. Donny likes to save his crying fits for the date nights that she babysits. Fortunately, she doesn’t seem to mind. His amazing adaptation skills were on full display when we took him to a bar. Before you judge, I didn’t know it was a bar at first. A good friend of mine was celebrating his birthday at a nice spot down by the beach. Just a few steps away from the sand. He knew I would have my son with me so I assumed he was inviting us to meet him at a classy respectable establishment. Where children were free to run and play while their parents smiled, drank tea, and paid limited attention to them. Like a Chuck E. Cheese’s or Target. My friend’s parents were even going to be there. Like everything else at a beach, parking was expensive and a pain. In the parking lot it was a struggle to dodge all the assorted beachbums. Surfers, dreadheads, and bikers were everywhere. One hippie after another continued to stagger out in front my car as I searched for a spot. When we finally made it to the restaurant I had no hesitation going inside. It looked like a restaurant. There were tables outside, people were eating, children were smiling, dogs were begging. Then we went inside. It was noisy, crowded, and had a huge bar in the middle with lots of obscure sounding beers on tap. What good restaurant doesn’t have these things? I quickly found my buddy with his parents and the conversation and laughter began. By the time MM realized that we were in fact in a bar it was too late to leave. I had already ordered a burger and had a cold beer in hand. I was commited. My first instinct was to leave. I thought Donny couldn’t possibly be enjoying himself here. But when I really stopped to see how he was responding everything seemed ok. It was a beautiful day, we were by the beach, and Donny had already adapted to the bar scene. MM and I took turns holding Donny while sharing a scrumptious black bean burger and beer. Naturally my boy was hamming it up. Flirting with every woman who walked by. Flashing his signature grin and staring with his pretty eyes that seem to charm everyone he meets. It was turning out to be a really nice afternoon. A relaxing sunday with friends. Plus I had an excellent little flirty charming…umm…buddy with me. MM would prefer I not think of him as a wingman. However, there was one misstep. As the noise level grew we decided to go ahead and retire to the beach. As I waited to pay and tip our polite and hardworking waiter MM decided to take Donny outside. That’s when he lost his cool. Like a drunken frat boy Donny reached out and grabbed the hair of the prettiest girl he saw. He yanked and wouldn’t let go. How could I have let this happen? How could I let so much time pass without teaching him the finer points of being a gentleman. At least the basics; Compliment her dress, be polite to her parents, never grab her hair. But it was too late. The deed was done. The only thing left to do was walk over and take one for the team. The impending open-handed slap across the face. As I started toward them I could see her turn around to confront her attacker. To stare into the eyes of this brute whose father had clearly failed to teach him any manners. She turned and peered deeply into his bright blue eyes while simultaneously slowly turning into mush. Seconds later it was all giggles and baby talk. She thought it was adorable! Man, this kid gets away with everything.

IMG_4291

When I reflect on that afternoon, I do think of all the life lessons there are to teach him. There are so many that I fear I’ll never have time to teach him all that I know. In this case, how to treat the opposite sex. I made plenty of mistakes when I was young. Mistakes that could have easily been prevented. Perhaps with guidance and knowledge as well as setting expectations for his behavior, he won’t make those same mistakes. We’ll start with the basics. When we are out we shall always hold the door and let MM enter first. We’ll introduce ourselves confidently with a smile and a handshake. And we will NEVER EVER freely yank on a woman’s hair.

THREE THINGS:

  1. Thing I learned today – There’s this growing opinion that double spacing after periods is incorrect and unnecessary. I’ve even heard it described as rude. But it’s what I’ve always been told. Sold to me as truth. I decided to try it for this post. It feels so wrong. Do any of you have an opinion on this rising controversy?
  2. MM and I never fight. Seriously we don’t. We didn’t decide not to ever fight, we just don’t. It’s pretty cool. However, there is something brewing. A possible rift between us…over apple juice. Lately the room has chilled whenever those two words are uttered. Maybe I’ll write about it in further detail.
  3. Sports Minute – I owe an apology to Jurgen Klinsmann and the US men’s soccer team. At times they played pretty good. There were some bad mistakes but overall I thought they looked good. They still only went 1-2-1 but it gives me hope for the future of US soccer.

Thank you very much for stopping by. This is the fourth edition of Daddy Day By Day. A very delayed post due to the World Cup. I have a serious sports addiction. If you have any questions, rants, feelings, anything positive, please feel free to email me at daddydaybyday@gmail.com or simply comment below. Talk to you soon…

Hi, My Name Is…

My boy is a genius! Seriously, he is a Albert Einstein, Galileo type genius. We bought the Fisher Price “Baby’s First Blocks” set. It’s basically a box with different shaped and colored blocks that fit through the appropriate shaped openings on the lid. So far he just does the basic baby stuff with it. Sticks to his favorites. Waves them in the air. Puts them in his mouth. However, the other day he did something remarkable. My wife (MM) and I sat on the floor with him and his blocks. As he banged away with them we took turns teaching him the colors of the blocks and pointing to the hole with the matching shape. Then it happened. He picked up the red triangle, looked at the holes, looked at the triangle, and gently placed the block through the correct triangle-shaped hole. He’s only 8 months. GENIUS! Doogie Howser has got nothing on Donny! My wife (MM) and I clapped and yelled and applauded. Right before I could get up and grab the champagne from the fridge he erupted. Shocked and frightened he screamed and lunged for his mommy. We’re starting to learn that babies don’t appreciate sudden loud and aggressive displays of affection. I can’t blame him. I don’t think I would care for huge people screaming and clapping at me every time I put my keys correctly into the door as opposed to my mouth. When I really think about it, me and my son are similar in a lot of ways. So, what better way to introduce myself, then through him.IMG_4028
More and more I’m beginning to realize that Donny is a chip off the old handsome block. For one, I’ve never been a big sleeper. Neither is my son. At the latest he’ll sleep in until 7:30. Let me repeat that. At the latest. On occasion he’s up at 6. I’ve always been a late to bed early to rise guy. In a good mood and ready to go at the crack of dawn. Which is working out great for this drastic lifestyle change called parenthood. My wife (MM) has never said anything but I’m sure she finds it slightly annoying. MM is the complete opposite. The poor woman hasn’t slept late in a year. She loves sleep. Cherishes it. She once slept through an entire 7 night Caribbean vacation. Practically. In my opinion.

Donny and I also don’t care for eating old dead animal carcasses. We’re fruit and veggie guys. A few weeks ago I made a delicious puree of chicken, carrot, and potato. He loved it initially but hasn’t cared for it since. Which is like me. I gave up meat 13 months ago. For no other reason than it didn’t taste good to me anymore, just like Donny. I thought after a little break I would go back but it never happened. 13 months later I realize I’ll never eat meat again. I feel better now then I’ve ever felt in my life. Over the past year I’ve developed a real passion for the health benefits of not eating other animals. As my best friend, Doc, has said “[I’ve] become one of those annoying militant vegetarians.” I think he’s right.

Donny is becoming a homebody. His body seldom actually leaves the home. Same as me. A few months after Donny was born, my wife, Mommy Moneybags(MM), decided the best caretaker for her child was right under her nose. Or shall we say right on top of oh nevermind. The point is that after countless dead-end jobs it was time for me to take on my greatest challenge. My first meaningful job. Watching and raising the most precious thing she’s ever held. Let that sink in. She choose me. It’s an honor. A privilege. I’ve never felt so much pressure in my life. I really can’t screw this one up. The great thing is I’m starting to discover that I’m actually pretty good at this. I can totally do this. And do it well. I can raise a child that’s smart, confident, healthy, and most importantly I can raise him to be a positive contributor to the world we all share. I can be the Michelangelo of fathers. And that’s exactly what I plan to do.

There’s more to that story about the blocks. Soon after Donny put the triangle-shaped block into the correct hole he grabbed the second triangle and attempted to bang and force it through the square hole. After a few unsuccessful tries he lost interest. So much for my genius. He then began searching for his favorite block. The blue circle. Seeing it trapped inside the box with the lid firmly placed on top I could see his face drop. Defeat began to well up under his eyes. I couldn’t stand seeing him this way. I began to move toward the box but before I could get close enough he put his hand out to me, open palmed, strong, and confident. Like Babe Ruth calling his shot.** He looked me right in the eye as if to say, “I got this.” Then like a crazed mix between Godzilla and King Kong he ripped off the yellow unattached lid that stood between him and his ultimate goal. He then threw it to floor and ROARED at it in a way that can only be described as the T-Rex from Jurassic Park mixed with Howard Dean’s campaign killing scream of ’04. He then stared at his prize. I could see the wheels turning. He was considering his options. He slowly placed both hands on the side of the exposed red box and threw it as far as he could! Blue and yellow and red and purple pieces flew in every direction. Every block was now available to him. They were free. Next he slowly crawled to the blue circle he originally sought and stuffed it into his mouth. Then it hit me… he IS a genius! He’s a liberator! He’s a freedom fighter!!!

IMG_3995

** He might have just been trying to steady himself. He’s still learning to balance the enormous size and weight of his head with the gravitational pull of the floor.

THREE THINGS:

  1. Thing I learned today – If I’m going to let my son play around on the bed with me…DO NOT fall asleep. I can’t elaborate. MM reads this.
  2. Being a stay-at-home dad gives me a lot of time to graze. Like a cow in an endless field of grass. It’s not always junk food but I’m constantly eating none the less. My son sees this. Daddy stuffing his face at all hours of the day. Am I setting a bad example? Should I start hiding a stash of vegetables, fruits, and cheez-its in the bathroom?
  3. Sports Minute – The World Cup is upon us! I will be glued to the television for the next 5 weeks. Not to watch the USA though. Sorry to inform you casual fans but we’re probably going 0-3 and out. Our preliminary group opponents include: Germany – one the best teams on the planet. Currently ranked #2 in the world. My pick to win it all. Portugal – always a strong team which just happens to have arguably the best player of this generation in his prime. Christiano Ronaldo. And he’s really good-looking. I’ll admit it. And last but certainly not least, Ghana – on paper they’re the US’s best chance for a win. Too bad Ghana has eliminated the USA from the past two World Cups. Sport that red white and blue while you can. I have a feeling we’ll be out in a hurry.

Thank you very much for stopping by. This is the second edition of Daddy Day By Day. If you have any questions, rants, feelings, anything positive, please feel free to email me at daddydaybyday@gmail.com or simply comment below. Talk to you soon…